The Irony of Going to Asia and Being Inspired by...a White Man

White men in Asia...we know that story. I can't pretend I don't side-eye the White man / Asian woman couple, especially when abroad. Sure, it can be true love, but I can't help but to immediately think "Passport Bro."

If this is your first time hearing the term, "Passport Bro" is slang for a Western man (U.S. / European) who internationally travels specifically to date women abroad (usually South America, Asia, Africa) because he thinks these women will be easier, more traditional, more appreciative, and more "submissive." These guys typically resent women back in their home country and use their economic / citizenship advantage to secure these relationships, which generally creates a power-imbalance. This is how you end up with relationships like Big Ed and Rose.

The most memorable season of 90 Day Fiance for me LOL

However, whether the guy I am talking about in this post is considered a Passport Bro, I cannot say for sure. He did leave the States years ago, marry and divorce a Japanese woman, and continues to bounce around Asia in his 40s (50s?). Anyway, this post is not about putting him on trial; this is about how he's inspired me!

It was 7 months into my Asia backpacking journey. It was a typical night of me toppling into my next hostel with my oversized bags (even as a backpacker, I was NOT a light packer). I chose this place in Osaka to lay my head for one night, as I eagerly awaited to check into the Mad Cat Hostel and Bar as the crazy cat lady in me couldn't pass on visiting!

The first hostel was super cheap, at $16 for one night and was actually more like a homestay — an unpretentious and cozy home with multiple rooms furnished with twin sized / bunk beds, dim lighting, mismatched bed sheets, and old wooden decor. I actually found it quite charming.

Regardless of the conditions, the host and the other guests had an easy, welcoming energy that made conversation come naturally, even for my introverted self. That evening, I was immediately sucked into conversations around the kitchen table, getting to know everyone's stories of how we all ended up here and where we planned to go next. I shared the rest of the Japanese liqueur I had been carrying around with the other guests and hit it off with two other Japanese women (late 30s - early 40s) and a young Chinese girl who was traveling abroad for the first time (maybe 18).

I don't remember the White guy being there that evening, at least not for the majority of it. But the next morning, I ran into him in the kitchen, and we struck up a conversation that lasted almost two hours! He also dabbled in conversation in Japanese with our host, which I found impressive. This is also when I learned of his interesting past with different types of women — it was clear he had a thing for women outside his race (can't get mad at that, I guess...?). I mean, how do you actually tell the difference between a preference and a fetish anyway?

I personally recognize that not every man who enters an interracial relationship is a Passport Bro or fetishizing. I believe it's perfectly fine to have a great interest in and appreciation for other cultures (I certainly do) and to even be attracted to certain physical traits. But the lines do get blurry....I remember a male classmate in university referring to Asian women as "the perfect cookie" insinuating it's because they're not too dark, not too light....

My understanding of fetishization is stereotyping a group of people in a favorable manner, therefore idealizing the entire race instead of seeing people as the individuals they are. Examples:

• "Japanese women are more feminine and submissive" i.e. "They're delicate, sweet, and won't talk back."

• "Filipinas/Africans will treat you like a king" i.e. "They will be grateful for the crumbs I can afford give."

• "Latinas are spicy and passionate" i.e. "I can sleep with one easily and she'll go crazy over me."

• "Middle Eastern women are obedient" i.e. "It's part of their culture to submit to men."

• "Black women are strong and independent" i.e. "She never needs help, so I don't have do as much for her as I would for other women."

Go ahead and leave a comment if you have any thoughts on this!

Anyway, by the end of the two hour convo, it was time for me to check out. White Man offered to help me carry my bags to my new hostel. I was hesitant, I mean...

Helloooo, do you want this man you just met knowing where you're staying next, especially, when you, as a Black woman, can kind of see where this is going??

— You, probably

I try not to live in fear and honestly, I could really use the help with my bags. Plus, even if he was going to hit on me, it didn't necessarily mean I'd be in danger, just in an awkward situation, at worst. So we picked up a third bag of mine from a storage facility and toted them for 20 mins to my next hostel. When we finally arrived at the new hostel, it turns out the hostel itself is only accessible through a door behind the bar, so it's not somewhere an unauthorized guest can easily sneak into. *big relief*

I was grateful for his help, and he had been good company so far, so we hung out a little more after dropping my things. During that time, we continued an effortless flow of conversation. I was enjoying listening to his crazy stories and seeing how much we related on many things. But what I really remember is at some point while walking, a Japanese man being rude to us in some way and White Man retorting in Japanese (with some curse words), rendering the Japanese man speechless!

I returned in the early evening to the Mad Cat Hostel, and the hosts, some hostel-mates, and I walked together to a very cool nearby record bar so that one of the hostel-mates could test out an old Japanese record he had bought. I invited White Man to join, and it was here that he turned to one of my hostel-mates (a Chinese-American) and began conversing in Chinese, then effortlessly switched to converse in Japanese with the hostel hosts. I think about it all the time, and it's inspired me to recommit to my own language-learning journey!

You see, during these travels, I've raked up so many international friends, and I often feel inadequate around them. Most of them grew up speaking another native language and learned English to the point of conversational or even working proficiency. Then, here I am, another American who still only speaks English after having taken French for 6 years (6th-12th grade) and Spanish for 2 years in college. I give myself credit when it comes to reading Spanish and French, recalling vocabulary and making basic sentences, but listening and responding in realtime stops me in my tracks. Heck, just the other day during my French lesson, I couldn't hear the difference in sound between "carte" (map) and "quatre" (four).

But to add to the inspiration of the White Man, I met two Black women living in China who speak pretty decent Chinese, if I do say so myself — not as fluent as him, but they could eventually get there one day! If these Americans could all learn Chinese, I could certainly pick up another, less intimidating language, right?

I really love Japan and Japanese culture (and no, I do NOT have a fetish for Japanese men), so naturally, I had taken up Japanese here and there over the years since high school. I also didn't continue learning the "more practical" Spanish or French because I wanted to be cool and unique (because how many Black girls speak Japanese?). I purchased Japanese workbooks, briefly dove into a course on YouTube, and “practiced” Japanese consistently on Duolingo for over a year. I got a little use out of it while in Japan for 6 weeks during my backpacking trip, enough for the Japanese people to show appreciation for my efforts. But, the novelty wore off after I left.

At this point in my life, I realized I don’t just want to learn a language, I want to LIVE in it! And since I'm not living in Japan...practicality wins. French and Spanish don't just belong to one country, but open doors in many. Not to mention as I seek working opportunities abroad, knowing a second language is "preferred."

So which language am I learning now?

So am I choosing Spanish or French? Honestly, even though I've studied it for longer, I had given up on French for a few reasons:

1. Spelling, pronunciation, and recognizing words audibly is more difficult than Spanish, for me.

2. I run into far more Spanish-speakers in the U.S. than French-speakers.

3. Stereotypes about French people planted a fear that my efforts would never be as appreciated in France as they are when I speak my broken Spanish around Latin America.

From my own experience in Paris, I had my negative prejudice against French people. I don't know if it was constant luck or fate, but during my Asia travels, I ended up meeting several cool French people with whom I became very close and actually reignited my excitement for learning French! In fact, it’s a running joke around Europe that most Europeans feel French people are rude, so it's not personal, just cultural humor. That was another unexpected takeaway from my Asia journey. You'll see French people pop up multiple times in my future blog posts.

So at this time, I'm taking language learning very seriously. I'm being tutored online three times a week with Preply, I'm on a 600+ day Duolingo streak (I switched from Japanese to French), and I even purchased Rosetta Stone. I just want to be as cool as the White Man and every other friend of mine who seamlessly switches between 2-3 languages.

You guys are all dope!

If you also want to start learning a new language or to practice regularly to stay sharp, find tutors online for as little as a few dollars per lesson on Preply! Using my referral, you'll get 70% off your first lesson.

Tips for Learning a New Language from Home

If you want to learn a new language without moving abroad, it's possible, but you'll need to put in the effort to immerse yourself. Here are some ways to do so:

1. It may be a bit silly, but watch kid's shows in the target language with English-subtitles to start (beginner) or with subtitles in the target language (intermediate).

2. Read children's books in the target language.

3. Change your phone settings to the target language.

4. Leave labels on everything in your home in the target language (label cabinets that contain cups, bowls, utensils, etc.).

5. Take free courses on YouTube. I found this Japanese course there.

6. Use free language-learning apps like Duolingo, Busuu, Memrise, or others (or pay for premium services).

7. Hire an online tutor on Preply, or purchase Rosetta Stone, Babbel, or other paid language-learning platforms.

8. Join online or in-person meetups with others who are learning the same language. One good site is MeetUp. Just search for "learn [language]."

9. Commit to paying for an online or in-person language course to really hold yourself accountable. Even better if you can take the classes abroad!

10. Make friends with or date someone who speaks the language ;)

So what ever happened to White Man?

In the end, my suspicions were right — he did like me. I didn’t feel the same, but I’m still grateful for the conversations and the small role he played in that chapter of my life. I still can't say whether he was a Passport Bro, considering he showed interest in me, as an American. But either way, I admire his dedication to learning multiple languages and truly immersing himself while living abroad, something many digital nomads never bother to do. Still, the situation naturally opened the door to a broader conversation about fetishization and the Passport Bro movement. If you're reading this, White Man, thanks, sorry, and I hope you're well!

How about you? Are you learning or seeking to learn a new language? Any other tips for learning? What are your thoughts on the slippery slope of appreciation vs fetishization? Anything else to share?

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